Let Me Be Real For a Second

I’m sitting in Barnes and Noble right now. I’ve had a few glasses of wine ($5.99 courtesy of HEB thank you very much) and I’m reevaluating things in my life, as I have been doing for the past couple of months, and I realized that while I’ve learned a ton in my effort to better myself, I haven’t been implementing it in all areas of my life. I mean, sure, I have fewer debts (thank the LORD. I’m now sitting at $25,076 in total debt), and I celebrate that, but I could be so much further in my journey.

I don’t want to ┬árelish in my shoulda, coulda, wouldas, but I’m realizing that I’ve chosen those things that I’m comfortable with over those things that will most certainly benefit me in the long run and I’m done with that (at least I hope). I mean, let’s get serious, it’s easy to slip back into the norm. Come on, it’s EASY. You start to feel lonely. Like you’re missing out on the fun things in life. Like you’ve become the boring friend that just wants to stay at home. It’s enough to make anyone tiresome. BUT, you have to persevere. You have to think about the future, not just what feels good today. Seriously, It feels good for everyone to see that you can go out every Friday and Saturday night, buy shots for your everyone and still hold your head up high on Monday morning (albeit with a slight hangover), but that feeling isn’t there on the 23rd when you’re all alone and you get that bill from Capital One that says you spent $500 the previous 30 days eating out.

That feeling turns into something more diabolical. Words like self loathing and shameful come to mind (none of which are beneficial to you). You make a plan to get it paid off and you set your mind to not go to happy hour at all the next week, but inevitably you get the invite and your resolve goes out the window. I’m not going to pretend like that doesn’t happen because it does and it will, but what I am going to do is be honest about it. Being honest about it is something that I feel is lacking in the world today. In this era, we want everything instantly. We don’t want to be inconvenienced, or to have to go out of our way, but we’re not willing to make the sacrifice. Let’s change that.

And, that is exactly what I intend to do. I mean, I can’t say that I won’t be in this exact same position three months down the line, but I pray that I won’t. I pray that I will be able to tell you (whoever you are) that I am 100% debt free in the next three months. That I’ve mastered all of my demons. That I pray everyday. That I have life figure out, but the reality of the situation is that I probably won’t. And that’s okay. I just can’t ever give up.

PS. I’m not going back and editing this post because it’s how I feel right now (misspelled words and syntax and all).


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